Lessons from 2017: extreme parenting, playing backup & fleeing the #ThomasFire

Well, we made it. Seriously, there were some touch and go moments last year, if I'm to be honest. As I haven't blogged for six months, and those six months were some of the most emotionally taxing in recent memory, I wanted to give them their due in my end of year reflection.

2017 held some high highs professionally. I learned an incredible amount last year and really pushed myself. But as much as I'd like to focus on my professional achievements this year, it was my personal life that taught me the most.

In August of 2016, I had a bit of a mom-crisis/epiphany. We had acquired our 7th kiddo earlier that year, and with adding Arial to our flock, I was going to have a kid graduating from high school every year for 5 years. Five of our seven kiddos were teenagers and the youngest two are squarely in their preteen years. John told me, "the next five years are going to suck and then our lives will look a lot different." I was pretty confident that the second part of his prediction was inevitable, but after 2017 I can tell you that his first prediction seems to be spot on. I'm sure this is no surprise to any of you, looking in from the outside and thinking, "well duh, having seven kids is hard," but I can tell you that up until 2017 is wasn't THAT bad. We have really good kids, but they unfortunately only have teenage brains and things like consequences or planning or big picture thinking? Non existent. While there are lots of parenting highlights, the biggest being officially adopting Arial, in general, 2017 will be the year I remember that parenting went next level and all I could do was hold on and do my best.

In 2016, John went back to college to get his teaching degree. It's something he had wanted to do since before we met, and even though we knew it would be hard, I pushed him to do it. And it has been hard. But neither one of us could have predicted that because of him going back to school, and taking a job last January running the STEM classes for an after school program, that he would have been hired as a full-time robotics and engineering teacher starting this past fall. Still going to school to get his degree, starting his dream job...John had a good year professionally, and I am learning how to be the supportive, behind the scenes partner in our relationship. It's actually not very comfortable for me, and sometimes I worry that I'm not very good at it, but I'm learning.

All of my work/parenting/spouse balance was thrown over the edge in November when both John and our 11 year old Sallie had surgeries (deviated septum and broken ankle, respectively). Nothing life threatening, but it reinforced for me why I didn't go into nursing. I struggled to balance taking care of my work responsibilities, taking care of my family, and taking care of myself. As we celebrated Thanksgiving and prepared for Christmas, I was looking forward to life getting back to normal. I joked, "no one is allowed to have a medical emergency for the rest of the year."

The Universe accepted my request and raised me the largest wildfire in California history.

At about 9:30 pm on December 6th, we packed our kids and dogs when the Thomas fire evacuation was announced for our house. Earlier that day, knowing that the fire was moving towards us, we had packed our irreplaceables and moved them into a safe storage spot well outside of the evacuation zone. We were fortunate we had enough warning. By the time the evacuation was announced for our house, I was already having trouble breathing from the smoke thanks to my asthmatic lungs. We had heard stories of folks in Ventura who were woken up in the middle of the night to evacuate and we just couldn't imagine wrangling all the kids and dogs if the fires were bearing down on us, so we left that night, confident that we'd be back in a day or two, hoping our home would be spared. As we walked through the house one last time before leaving, we made sure there was nothing remaining that we couldn't replace or live without. It is amazing what the imminent threat of fire does to your prioritization of things.

And here we are in 2018, almost a month later. The fires did not reach our home, but the smoke and ash have left a hazardous grime on everything that requires more cleaning and restoration services than we can do ourselves. Based on current estimations, we are hoping we can move back in by mid January.

The last few months have provided some extreme lessons.

Lessons in friendship. OMG, you really know who will be there for you when you are in the middle of a crisis. I have some amazing, amazing friends. I love them more than they may ever know.

Lessons in letting go. Letting go of "stuff," letting go of expectations. Letting go of needing to know what's going to happen next. With the letting go has come clarity. Clarity of what's important. Clarity of purpose.

That clarity, my purpose, what's important? My family. And that's what 2017 was all about, really. Putting my family first: my spouse's education and career, my kids' well-being, education, and aspirations. I've had to let go of some things in my life that I loved, because right now my focus has to be on this big, crazy family. I love them most of all.

If 2017 is any indication, John was right way back in the summer of 2016 when he said the next five years will suck. Being a parent to this many humans is hard. But it's also amazing and fun and I love the people these kids are turning out to be. One year down, four more to go...

2014 in review

Facebook tried to prompt me to share their version of my 2014, but after taking a look at it, they missed so much. As I've made a habit of doing every year, I wanted to take my own look back and forward. 2014 was a tumultuous year, lots of highs with some lows thrown in there for perspective. One thing I'm learning is that being a mom, especially with 6 kiddos, means that my highs and lows are often wrapped up in theirs. Yet one of the things I'm most proud of is that I have a whole life, a whole identity outside of "mom," and many people are surprised to find out what a big, crazy family we have. I'm fiercely protective of both of those sides of my life and 2014 was a test of balance and preservation. I suspect that until these kiddos start leaving the nest, this is what life will be like.

I thought taking care of them when they were little was hard. I clearly had no idea...

So here it is, my 2014 in review, skewed toward things I did/accomplished, not the kids :)

• We spent New Year's Day at my first Rose Bowl Parade (my MSU Spartans were in the Rose Bowl!).

• My first book, Immersive Learning, was published in January. I did my first book signing in Las Vegas.

• Also in January, John and I took a belated honeymoon trip to Sonoma and drove along the Pacific Coast Highway on our way home. I highly recommend it.

• In February, we all traveled back to NJ and got to all of the Paganos and lots of snow. 

• In April, I turned 40. We took a trip to San Francisco to celebrate, including a trip to Tiffany's and Alcatraz.

• In June, we made another trip to Pennsylvania and stopped by Philly ComicCon. 

• July I got to spend with Zevon and my parents here. I miss them terribly. 

• John and I celebrated our 1st anniversary in July. 

• We went on a proper family vacation to Yosemite in August and stayed at the Bison Creek Ranch. I can't say enough about what that vacation did for my soul.

• I also completed the 21 Day Drawing Challenge in August. I really loved it. 

• AND we went to Scare LA in August. Also really loved it. (August was a great month!)

• In September we spent a weekend camping at deBenneville Pines. 

• Our honorary family member Keara was married in October and John officiated. 

• I keynoted my first conference in October. 

• We fostered Darwin in October, our big oafy pit bull. 

• October ended with DevLearn and Halloween. Enough said. 

• John turned 40 in November and we did Santa Barbara Startup Weekend as his birthday present. 

• We officially adopted Darwin in December (which no one was surprised about...).

• I celebrated my 1 year anniversary of becoming a vegetarian at the end of December.

It was a pretty awesome year, upon reflection. True, I didn't mention some of the big (BIG) challenges we had with the kids or I had with work, or how I spent the better part of November and December sick. I didn't mention my frustration with myself that I didn't learn to play my ukelele, or blog as much as I want to, or to really dig into this big idea that I've been struggling to get off the ground. I didn't mention my car accident and physical therapy. I also didn't mention just all of the "stuff" we celebrated with the kids...concerts, Math Super Bowl medals, plays, talent shows, birthdays. I didn't mention John's four improv shows.

2014 was just really, really busy.

Here's to 2015, to more adventures and more love and more learning. 

TMI

I'm on a panel tonight on information overload at an event for the Association for Women Communications in Santa Barbara. A few days ago, we held a quick "panel prep" meeting, and as I listened to the other women on the panel describe their professional focus on helping people manage not just information overload, but finding balance in their busy lives, I couldn't help but feel more like one of their typical customers and less like someone qualified to share the stage with them.  Six kids, full time job, my book just out...I could use some expert advice on information overload!

I've been reflecting on how I manage my life, my engagement with social media and my interest in technology. I don't think I've ever really thought about it, but I have implemented some strategies to keep me sane. I'll be talking about these tonight, but as I'm preparing for the panel, I thought it might be useful to capture some of the ways I find balance and how I've learned to manage too much information.

1. I don't watch TV.
Seriously, we don't even usually have the television on in my house, and if we do, it's usually one of the kids watching something on Netflix. I don't have the news streaming in the background, I don't have a television in my bedroom (an neither do any of our kids), and if there is a tv show that I want to watch, we watch it streaming online. I haven't watched tv for years, and I have to say, I haven't missed it.

2. I have a separate Twitter account for news.
I don't think it's unusual for people to have multiple Twitter accounts, but I have two: one for news monitoring, and one for everything else. If I want to know what's going on in the world, I check my news account and monitor the feed. I could also use Tweetdeck or another filtering tool for this, but I have found that having a separate account is easier for me to manage, and allows me to moderate what information I take in, when.

3. I don't use a computer at night.
I do use my phone and iPad, but I have found that they are much easier for me to put down. I also typically use my mobile devices for playing games at night, if I use them at all, so I don't usually take in new information while I'm using them. I find that when I'm on my computer, I tend to spend more time at night working, when I really need to disconnect and rest. This policy also allows me to honor my next strategy...

4. The evening is for family.
I spend most of my day on my computer. From the time I get home until the kids go to bed, my time is focused on them. There were many years, especially when I first started my company, that I never turned off my computer, never stopped working. It was brutal and impacted everyone in my family. Over time, I've learned to separate my work time from my family time. It has made a huge impact on me, and has made the time I do spend working more productive, because I'm always working against self-imposed deadlines.

5. If I'm feeling overwhelmed, I go to the beach.
I'm lucky; I can walk to the beach from my house, so when I get that overwhelmed feeling, off I go. The beach may be it for me now, but in the past, taking a bath, working on a creative project, or playing a game were all ways I could decompress. Everyone has something that takes them from hectic to calm; find yours and use it liberally.

6. Understanding the value I get from social media.
Facebook and Twitter go on, and are no worse off when I take a break. Stepping away sometimes actually gives me more perspective on what value social media brings to me. It helps me set boundaries and "rules" for what information I subject myself to and when I open those gates. Sometimes when I see the negative stuff, I have to remember that 1. I have a choice of what information I allow in, and 2. People who are negative and hurtful through social media are likely also that way in real life. If I wouldn't have a drink with them in real life, why would I "hang out" with them through social media? Block, unfriend and unfollow are great curation tools for TMI.

7. Quiet and focused energy.
Yoga is my friend. A brisk walk or workout is an active way to clear the clutter in my head, but taking a few minutes to meditate can also help me refocus. They both really do the same thing for me: extract me from the information stream and help me focus on my health, energy and what's really important.

I'm sure I've employed other strategies that aren't coming to mind, and I'm also sure that you all have even better tips and advice to share. Please add your own information overload strategies in the comments, and I'll share them with the panel tonight!

It's a sin

Today I served as worship associate at USSB and read the following reflection on sin, sloth and service.
______________________________
I recently visited Las Vegas for a conference, and it struck me that Vegas is a vacation destination that promotes sin as it's main tourist attraction. It is Sin City after all, with the tag line "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," as if anything that you do in Vegas is understood to be ok even if it's not ok anywhere else.

Vegas really banks on the allure of the "sexy" sins in the Seven Deadly Sins list: Greed. Gluttony. Pride. Envy. Lust. Everywhere you look in Vegas, you see the promise of these sins in excess, from the  photos handed out on the sidewalks that most closely resemble trading cards of scantily clad companionship for an evening, to the adult version of sippy cups filled with frozen mixed drinks, to the urgently blinking, ever present lights of the slot machines promising the possibility of riches. Even wrath is starting to make an appearance on The Strip; there are ads everywhere for gun ranges where you can fire machine guns and high powered assault rifles to work out your aggressions.

What's interesting is the Deadly Sin that doesn't feature in the advertising for Las Vegas: sloth. Sloth is not a sexy sin; sloth represents laziness, inaction, wasting time. It's funny, but Sloth is the sin I'm most offended by, and the sin I fear most for myself.

I walk through most of my days feeling an internal pressure to do more. Get more work done. Do more housework. Spend more time with the kids. Finish that knitting project. Write another blog post. Schedule that appointment. The To Do list never ends, and at the end of each day, I usually make a list of what I didn't get done to set myself up for failure the next day. It becomes a never ending cycle. While my intentions are always pure in seeking a sense of accomplishment, the truth is, I know I'll never do everything I want to do. I'll never solve every problem and I'll never feel good enough. I'm forever seeking that golden ring of achievement beyond reproach, especially from myself.

I once had a conversation with a good friend who asked, "do you think you will ever feel satisfied?" And I wanted to answer yes, but when I thought about it, I couldn't think of a condition or state when I would feel like there was nothing left for me to do. There are small moments when I feel a glimpse: when ALL the laundry is done. When I received an award for my book. When I sold my company. When another parent compliments me on one of my kids. I feel for a moment like I've accomplished something meaningful. And then I start reviewing the list of what else I need to do. I'm constantly trying to outrun the shadow of sloth.

What drives this feeling in me is a desire to change the world, to leave this place better than I found it and to be a good example to the people I'm raising into adults. One of those young people is traveling on the YRUU trip over spring break to the Hopi reservation, and her trip has sparked anew my own To-Do list for service and activism.

The opportunity for activism was one of the things that appealed to me when I attended my first Unitarian Universalist service. Not just the opportunity, but the explicitly stated value of action for UUs. Here at the Unitarian Society of Santa Barbara, our mission is "Living with integrity, Nurturing wonder, Inspiring action." Inspiring action is one of the three components of our mission. How better for me to inspire action than by example? How better for me to change the world than with others who want to do the same?

If one of the core values held by Unitarians is action, then sloth may be our most deadly sin. And more, I wonder, if Unitarians are attracted to action as a spiritual practice, is this feeling of never doing enough common in our membership? From the friendships I've made in this congregation and from my relationships with the ministers and staff here, I would guess that I'm not alone in my feeling that I always have more to do.

As I think about this pressure to do more, and as I look at the teens preparing for their mission trip, I am reminding myself that my action, my contribution, my efforts are measured not by one rally, or signed petition, or service trip, but by the values I hold and the way I engage with the world every day. Today, that might mean having a dance party with my 7 year old or finishing the laundry or giving my husband a break and cooking dinner for once. Tomorrow, that might be me attending a rally or speaking at an event for women in technology or mentoring a young person interested in game design. All of these things will in their small way make the world better. I need to keep reminding myself that showing up with good will and intent and living my values are ultimately what makes the world a better place.

Maybe Vegas has it right. Just like the allure of Vegas in allowing us to dip our toes into sin a little bit without abandoning our values and responsibilities, relaxing every once in a while might just be the break I need to remind myself that even if I don't accomplish everything on the list, allowing myself time to play, rest, reflect and take a deep breath aren't symptoms of sloth but are actually necessary to make me whole, balanced and able to take on tomorrow's to do list and the world.

The happy revolutionary

I read an article yesterday on the 21 Habits of Supremely Happy People. It's a good list (and it wasn't a top 10 list, so that made me less suspicious). I've been thinking a lot about happiness lately, because I'm pretty ridiculously happy. It's taken me a long time to get here and there were a lot of missteps and big ol' mistakes that I made along the way. But here I am! Happy! And yet...

There's a big part of my personality that has always been perpetually dissatisfied. These are the parts that want to make the world better. These are the parts that want to call out injustice, the parts that get angry at the liars, the cheaters, the bullies, the mysogynists. These are the parts that want to take on new challenges. These are the parts that want to write books and start new ventures and fight against a broken status quo. The dissatisfied parts of myself are the parts that have pushed me to do the things of which I'm most proud.

Should we want to be supremely happy? Can we reconcile the complacency and contentment that comes with happiness with a desire to change the world? Can we be revolutionaries and still be happy?

I'm struggling with this. There are some days that contentment wins, and I embrace this wonderful time in my life with gratitude and appreciation. And then...the inevitable guilt: I'm not doing enough. I should be doing more. Am I wasting my life?

There are some days that the revolutionary wins. I write, I plot, I rally the troops. I get shit done. But I long to just be in the moment, to stop and read or listen to the waves or watch old Farscape episodes and just be happy.

I don't know that there's an answer, or that I'm asking a question. I do know that just being "supremely happy" or only focusing on changing the world would both leave me unsatisfied. So the eternal struggle for me is being a happy revolutionary: embracing happiness without being a sheep, changing the world without letting it jade me. 

Sunsetting #weliveherenow

If you follow me on Twitter or are friends with me on Facebook, you may have noticed (not sure how you couldn't) the string of various pics since June of my new coast and the accompanying hashtag #weliveherenow. The genesis was pretty simple. As John and I finished our cross-country trip from Philadelphia to Santa Barbara, as we drove the final stretch around the coastline between Ventura and Carpinteria, John looked out at the ocean, then back at me, and said it. "We live here now." 

Just another day in Carpinteria

Four little words that meant such a dramatic change in my life. It meant I was taking a real job where I wouldn't be the boss for the first time in 5 years. It meant that the ocean was on our west and not our east (you would not believe how disorienting it STILL is sometimes.) It meant that WE had made this trek, this decision to blend our families, and we were embarking on an even bigger adventure...living together. It meant that every day, I would see the ocean, the mountains, the palm trees...that I would be living in one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. 

For the last six months, I think I've lived in constant amazement that I am HERE. Not just here geographically, but also at this place in my life. And so we started using the hashtag to remind ourselves that this was real. 

We live here now. WE live here now. We LIVE here now. We live HERE now. We live here NOW. 

Sunset on our beach

It was never meant to gloat...it signified my thankfulness. My gratitude. My newfound contentment. My happiness. 

I'm retiring the hashtag now because this is the new normal. Yes, we DO live here now. I'm sure I'll still post pics (I haven't stopped being thankful), but I'm going to stop being amazed because this is my life now. Every beautiful, amazing second of it. 

Our family

If you want to see where I live, "our beach" in Carpinteria where John proposed to me...click on this link and scroll down. See that beach, just past the tree on the far side of the field? That's the spot.

Ok, maybe I'm gloating just a little :)

A year of living (mostly) bloglessly

I started this blog to write about starting a company, everything I learned along the way. It's evolved over the years...at first I wrote a lot about starting Tandem Learning, then I wrote a lot about virtual worlds. Learning. Games. Gender issues. Taking risks. Occasionally, my kids. My goals. Music. I've written about so many things.

There's been a lot I haven't written about. I learned (the hard way) about what happens when you reveal too much about yourself out there to the world. It's still shocking to me that sometimes people read what I write. I had to learn to balance out the personal benefit I gain from writing my thoughts down in this blog, and the potential fallout for me when people read what I write. I have opinions, no doubt. I learned that sometimes I need to keep them to myself.

This year was a particularly tough juggling act, professionally and personally, in relationship to this blog and what I wanted to share publicly. Most of the time, I erred on the side of silence. My rationale was that this was a blog started to document my professional development and the stories of my personal growth and learning this year didn't really "fit."

So now it's December, and I look back at everything I didn't write about this year...I look at whole months where I stayed silent and didn't post the things I was learning. I look back on a year when I evolved more, learned more, and took more risks than I ever have. I didn't share most of it. I didn't document that evolution. And now, I kinda wish I would have.

Blogging is what you make of it, right? Maybe this is a professional blog, but it's a personal blog, too. Sometimes the personal is going to supersede the professional and sometimes it's gonna be all work, work, work. I made a resolution at the beginning of 2012 to apologize less. That hasn't gone so well...old habits die hard. For 2013, I'm just going to be me but I'm going to write about it here, because that's how I learn. So no apologies in advance for the posts about my upcoming wedding, my continued amazement at the beauty that surrounds me every day here in Santa Barbara county, my hilarious kids that push me to be better, and my partner, my love, who has made me reconsider my stance on fairy tales. 

I'm also about to write a post on why most assessment in learning is bullshit. Because, well, that's who I am, and what this blog is, too.

Livin' La Vida Loca

I've been in a whirlwind of "stuff" that has been keeping me so extraordinarily busy that I've been thinking a lot about how to get to a better, more peaceful place. Then it struck me...I'm not really a "peaceful" kinda girl.

I've been considering happiness lately; more specifically, what makes me happy. People aspire to be "content" or "satisfied." To me? That reads: boring. My God...I can't even imagine what it must be like to feel those emotions, let alone WANT to feel them. The minute I feel content, I'm already thinking "what's next?"

I realize that leads me to live this crazy, complicated life. I realize it opens me up to be over-extended, over-scheduled, and lately....over-tired. It creates this dynamic where I never feel like I'm caught up, where I can never quite reach the finish line. That expression "I'll sleep when I'm dead"? I don't think I was supposed to take it so literally. 

The truth is...this crazy life IS my contentment. It IS my happiness. It's messy and complicated and stressful but passionate and surprising and joyful and interesting. I may not be satisfied, but I sure am having fun. 

And yes, I was just dancing in my living room to Ricky Martin. You should too. 

Better Than Wonder Woman

I read an article the other day (that I'm not going to link to) where a female executive gave advice to women starting out in their careers. Her advice? Pick what's most important to you (career or family) and focus on that. She said that its practically impossible for women to be successful both in the boardroom and raising a family, so you have to choose. 

What a crock of shit. 

When I was a little girl, I actually didn't know if I wanted to have children. I knew that I wanted to have a career, and I didn't have a lot of role models of women who were raising a family and were successful professionally. I was always a bit geeky and Wonder Woman was my idol. When I looked at her, I saw a very successful, strong woman. She was independent, but she was also alone. I did think I had to choose. 

The day I became a mom, I did choose. I knew that my career was an indispensable part of who I was and that I would not be happy filling my days solely with play dates and mom clubs. I knew that I wanted to be a role model for my son (and later my next son, and daughter), to show him that women are just as capable of pursuing professional success as men. I knew that's the kind of mom I was...not a cookie baker or exceptional homemaker, but an executive mom. 

I knew that there would be other women who made different choices and who would judge me for mine.  There are lots of times that I look at other women with envy, for their exceptional skills at home or at work. Then I remind myself: I want to have it all. That means its not going to be perfect; it means there will be successes and failures. I can see the argument on both sides: I'd be a better mom if I didn't work so hard, or I'd be more successful if I wasn't raising children. Maybe both of those statements are true. 

But maybe MY measure of success is pursuing my professional dreams, being happy and present for my children, living the example I want to set. I can't listen to what people tell me I can, or can't, have. Those naysayers may just have a different picture of what success looks like...and that's not my picture. While I still love Wonder Woman, she's no longer my role model. She may have been strong and independent, but I wonder if she was lonely. I know now, if I want to have it all, I have to be better than Wonder Woman.

Admitting limits when you're a "no limits" kinda girl

Whether or not we like to admit it...there actually IS a limit to what we can accomplish in the little time we have. I'm not saying that our potential is limited...I'm saying that we have capacity issues. There are only 24 hours in a day. We actually need to sleep, eat...we can't just keep going full steam ahead, full out running, all of the time.

Oh, and then there's what other people bring into the equation. We can't control that either, and even the best laid plans sometimes get blown to bits because...well, we're social. We're complicated. We have all kinds of quirky relationship dynamics that guide our actions. And unless you lock yourself away to work away at your goals...sometimes life gets in the way.

So what happens when grand plans meet daily necessities and bump into unexpected events? Limitations.



And this is where dreams die.

The truth is, you can't do EVERYTHING. You need to prioritize. You need to figure out what's really important. And goals...dreams...visions of the future...they can easily get lost in this process. Try to do to much and chances are, nothing gets done. If you don't plan for your priorities, they get lost in the shuffle.

I've been working on admitting limits and setting priorities. Wow, its not easy. Its a process, for sure. I can easily convince myself to give up sleep. To work on vacation. To commit to doing more, to helping, to doing what it takes to get stuff done.

But then, of course, other things don't get done. And some of those things are really important to me. Frustration sets in. Less sleep. Distraction. And everything is affected.

How do you get past the limits?

1. Define your goals
You just aren't going to get there if you don't know where you're going. Write down your goals, make a plan to achieve them and be realistic about what its going to take (time, resources, etc.)

2. Enlist help
I'm horrible at this. You need people to not only to support you, but sometimes to actually help you achieve your goal. In fact, most things you CAN'T do alone. So ask and get people on your team.

3. Give up control
If I'm horrible at asking for help, I'm downright abysmal at giving up control. But once you get people to help, you have to let them help. So give it up. Seriously.

4. Prioritize (really, really)
This is the part of the process where you look around at what your doing and figure out if its getting you where you want to go. Are your actions supporting what you want to achieve? If not, change what you're doing.

5. Pace yourself
Be patient but not complacent. Don't confuse the two. Patience means understanding the realities of how much time things take. Complacent means letting things take too long...and then maybe them never happening at all. So be patient, realistic, and don't burn yourself out. Burn out is just as dangerous as complacency.

Sometimes you need to sprint, but sometimes you really are running a marathon. There are different limits to each and the winning runners acknowledge those limits and work within them effectively.

Your dreams shouldn't have limits, but all of us do. The only way we can reach our dreams is to be honest, strategic, and tenacious about who we are and what we want.

The end of a decade and a year to remember

I was trying to reflect on the year 2009, and was having a hard time with inspiration. I feel strongly about reflection and goal setting, but to be honest, I'm overwhelmed with the enormity of the events of this year for me.

Then I started to think bigger. I noticed a bunch of people on Twitter were reflecting on what they were doing 10 years ago, and it actually made me think about how my life has changed since the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2000.

I've bought two houses.
I've welcomed my 3 kids into my life.
My parents moved in with me.
I lost my grandmother.
I started a company.

I was really, really busy.

So 2009. Our sophomore year at Tandem Learning. It seems like personally and professionally, a lot went right and a lot went wrong this year. I think what I will remember most about 2009 is how I changed. I couldn't blog about my reflections on the year without talking about the amazing people, and some dear friends, that I met through Twitter--people who I'm now happy to say are also my "in the flesh" friends. I learned how to rely on and depend on people this year in a way that I never have before. I'm learning (sooo still in process) to be better at asking for what I need. I got better (again, a work in progress) at separating out my personal time from work.

Most important, I think 2009 was the year where I started to see who I really am. I say started, because I'm in no way thinking I have things all figured out. I confirmed some things I already knew, but discovered a lot of things I didn't even have a clue about. Momentum keeps you from slowing down and reflecting sometimes. Momentum has driven me through this decade but 2009 was a whole year of self-reflection. It wasn't an easy year, but it was an important year. I will remember this year for everything that I learned about myself and the foundation that it laid for the next year, the next decade...the next adventure.

My name is Koreen Olbrish and I am addicted to immersive environments

I'm going to admit something here, on my blog, that maybe only 1 or 2 people in my life actually know. I am addicted to immersive environments and games. Not tic-tac-toe or football, but role-playing games, the kind that immerse you in the storyline and engage you with your character in completing an objective, scoring points, and ultimately, winning.

It probably started when I was a little girl, when I was obsessed with fantasy stories like Lord of the Rings and The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I read all of those books, read all of the Wizard of Oz series...anything that I could find that could transport me to another world. My mom used to take my books away from me in the summer and make me go out to play. In college, I was introduced to Dungeons and Dragons; I would spend whole weekends playing around the clock. I was finishing grad school when I worked at a camp for a summer and spent my days on the porch of the computer lab playing Magic the Gathering. And then, two years ago, I discovered Second Life.

No, its not a game. But I spent months and months in world, and now, in retrospect, I can see how it affected me and the people I love. I was working, yes, because I work in virtual worlds, but it went beyond that. I was truly immersed and it was impacting the rest of my life. After about 4 months, I started to ween myself out of my Second Life and re-engage with my real life. Its been a long process, and truly, the lure of games and immersive environments is still a constant pull (just this week I have been obsessed with Epic Pet Wars on my iPhone). But I've been managing to put down the laptop more and more.

And then last night. I got a 2 month subscription to World of Warcraft for Christmas. I was SO excited. I've been wanting to play WoW for a long time, and this was finally it! But...after spending two hours debating what race and class I would choose, I realized...I can't do this. I can't casually play RPGs and engage in immersive environments--they are an addictive lure to me. It also made more clear the reality behind the argument that a lot of people have against the use of virtual worlds: I don't have time. If I were to start playing WoW, I would want to really play. And that would require hours. Hours that I wouldn't be spending with my kids, hours that I wouldn't be working on my still relatively new business. I can't afford the time.

This is not to say that I don't want to play, or that I think there is anything wrong with people who choose to immerse themselves in MMOGs or virtual worlds. But I know what the trade offs are for me and so, I choose to battle my business competitors instead of Blood Elves and dance with my kids instead of Gnomes. But my pet sheep, BaadMaamaJaama, is level 16 in Epic Pet Wars. Just sayin' ;)

The book versus the blog

So I've been working on a book, for well over a year now, and its finally almost done. Recently, getting this book done has consumed most of my free time (ha!) and energy, and while I'm not making excuses, it IS a reason why this blog has been riding along in the backseat while the book was constantly calling "shotgun!" But the book is getting closer and closer to done, and I'm missing my heavy blogging days. I'm missing reflecting on conferences and projects and decision-making and instructional design and virtual worlds and gender issues and games and how scary having started this company is sometimes.

Me & my co-author/partner in crime will be wrapping this book up in the next few weeks if it kills us. I'm excited and proud and scared about putting this book out there too. But it'll be a book! A big long reflection! The mother of all blog posts! More details to come...and more blog posts too.

Top 5 reasons I'm on Twitter

I'm not keeping up with my blogging like I should, and I blame Twitter. The conversation is so dynamic, it makes my blog seem slow and isolated. I like to think through some topics in more detail and so no, my blog is not obsolete. But if you want to really keep up with what's going on with business, virtual worlds, games, learning, or if you just want to see pictures of Tony Hawk skating (and sometimes his kids)...you should really be on Twitter.

What are the top 5 reasons I'm on Twitter?
1. It's a news source. I get information that I wouldn't have the time or energy (or even the know-how) to find on my own. Information, references, articles to read, the latest news...all streaming by for me to pull from. Hashtags (#) can help you sort through content to find topics of relevance, as can search tools.
2. It's a 24/7 networking opportunity. I've met the most interesting people. Networking is a skill, and in-person networking is tough. But on Twitter, you can find really smart, funny, and engaging people to exchange ideas with very easily. I'm learning from them every day. And now, having met some of my Twitter friends in person, the awkward first meeting isn't really awkward--I already know these people. Events like the #lrnchat live chats have allowed me to meet a lot of new people all interested in the same things I am. The development of communities of practice and learning through Twitter seem to be one of the ways the medium can be leveraged even more effectively for networking in the future.
3. It's a social outlet. Sadly, I work most of the time (I'm working on better balance though!) and the Tandem team is "geographically diverse" so work is sometimes a bit isolating. Twitter gives me a chance to take a break, exchange some banter, and build friendships along the way.
4. It's professional development. I've got filters and groups organized in Tweetdeck that allow me to keep up-to-date on the latest industry trends and events. I get inspired and challenged daily from my interactions on Twitter.
5. It's business development. Much has been said about using Twitter to market your services. Personally, I find Twitter marketers annoying. That said, people who demonstrate their knowledge and expertise in a particular area, I start to trust. If I needed help with a project now, I'd know a lot more people to contact. I've had people contact me through Twitter for my own expertise. And that's where I see the real value of Twitter "marketing."

So why aren't you there yet? Follow me @koreenolbrish

Momtrepreneur

Yesterday, the middle Olbrish kid had his tonsils and adenoids removed and the tubes in both his ears replaced. He didn't really know what he was getting into going into surgery; he knew that his throat was going to be sore, he knew that everyone was talking about it. To a 5 year old, that makes something a pretty big deal and I don't think its a stretch to say he was excited.

Fast forward two hours to the recovery room. I'd been twittering and checking email, keeping track of what was going on at work, with accounting issues, with client projects. I, too, was blissfully unaware. I had barely thought of what was facing me when I walked in and saw my son, gagging and gasping for air, in and out of consciousness and obviously in pain. 

I don't think its a stretch to say that there are moments when you have clarity and perspective. I get so nose-down in my work that I hesitate to say that those moments are more rare these days. This company has been like a really needy child and I've been an attentive mother. But my real children, they will always be the priority. In fact, they are a big reason I'm doing all this in the first place. 

Being a mom is a really tough job. No matter what anyone says, women who work carry an enormous amount of guilt. Being an entrepreneur is hard work and requires a ridiculous amount of time. Trying to do both, sometimes I think its just crazy. It probably is. The enormity of it all, the guilt...its just simply overwhelming. And yet, I can't imagine my life without my three kiddos, and I can't imagine my life without this company. So I'll keep juggling with good intentions and high hopes that this will all work out and someday my kids will be proud of me.

Radio silence

Wow. It's been over a week, almost two weeks since I blogged. Why is that? Let me count the reasons, which I believe any busy start up entrepreneur will identify with:

• Client meetings
• Travel and a conference
• New proposals to write
• New marketing materials to develop
• Twitter updates have become easier to do than blog entries
• Year end accounting stuff
• And the never ending demands of home ;)

All this, and I've foolishly decided to start up P90X again. Yes, me=glutton for punishment. But I have lots of things to catch up on, so brace yourself for the blog catch-up barrage!

Promises

I have a bad habit of saying things that I would like to do, only to be thwarted by time and responsibilities. Nowhere is this more of a problem than at home, where my eternal optimism and hopefulness are often a victim to the demands of work. I can't tell you how many times I say things like, "let's watch a movie tonight" or "I'm going to cook dinner" only to have my best intentions overcome by a work-related "something." 

You know that little strategy with clients called "under promise, over deliver"? Turns out that its also helpful as a life strategy, especially for new entrepreneurs and start ups. Its something I struggle with, because I do have good intentions. But keeping your promises is important, and making promises, even good intentioned ones, that are broken over and over leads to unhappy clients, disappointed family, and disillusioned friends. 

I'm making more an effort to be more realistic in the expectations I set, while not losing my optimism. I'm just keeping that to myself.

The day after

If you celebrate it, I hope you had a Merry Christmas. If you don't, I hope that you and the people you love spent time together this week, celebrating Hannukah, Kwaanza, Festivus, or just hanging out together.

Today, December 26th, is for me, the day after. Christmas is the big day, everything building up to it for months. Planning, preparation, excitement, anticipation...all leading up to one big event. December 26th is the day after, the day where you evaluate the spoils of Christmas.

I think the day after Christmas is really the most important time: evaluation and reflection. The inevitable relief that comes after a major event sinks in and you have time to think about what just happened.

This year, in the craziness and overwhelming amount of stress and work that has come with starting Tandem, Christmas (like so many other things have) took a back seat. We're running lean, and this is the first year that we implemented the "no presents for adults policy" in my family. Even my husband and I didn't exchange gifts; we agreed to make each other something instead.

You know what? This was the best Christmas I've had in a really long time. It wasn't about presents. It wasn't about how much money I spent. It was about being together, playing with the new toys Santa brought, and remembering that the people who you love are the most important thing in life.

Geography and logistics make it impossible for me to be with everyone who I love all at one time. One thing that I realized today in my day-after reflection is that I need to make sure that I take advantage of any opportunity to let the people who I love know how much I appreciate them. So, to my family and my friends who mean so much to me, I'm going to try to spread a little Christmas cheer throughout the year.

Now, let's get ready for New Year's!

Celebrating

This week has been full of celebrations, in Philadelphia (Go Phils!) and because of Halloween. It dawned on me that we haven't been celebrating enough around here at Tandem lately. So, to rally the troops, and remind myself how much progress we've made, here's some cool things that have happened over the last month...

• We debuted our Virtual TerritoryTM in London
• We passed our half million dollar mark in revenue recognized
• We decided on our second logo
• We created new marketing materials 
• We developed a new website
• We still haven't taken on any additional investors (despite the economy...)
• We've met with 5-7 new potential clients, both in the US and internationally
• We've talked to 3-5 people who are interested in selling our services both in the US and overseas markets
• We've developed a sales and marketing strategy for 2009
• We prepared for our first conference booth

And this is just in the last month...

There's something to be said for celebrating. Don't forget to appreciate and recognize your victories, big and small.

One step at a time

I've written a lot about how busy I am. I probably sound like a broken record, and its not a surprise that starting a business takes up an inordinate amount of time. I write about it so much because of the overwhelmingness of it. There are probably no words to explain how it takes over every second of every minute of every day, like a giant gorilla sitting on your chest eating a banana (ok, banana is probably optional).

This weekend was a good example. I really just wanted to enjoy the fall weather, hang out with the family and relax. But the list of things I need to do is long and time sensitive. So I try to balance things out, but neither my work or my family really gets the attention they deserve.

I try to be patient and cut myself some slack, take one day, one minute, one second at a time. This state is only temporary. Or is it?