The Great Divide

When I grew up in Michigan, The Great Divide was a college retail apparel store (I hear it's now called "The Split Mitt"?). One side was Blue and Gold (or Blue and Maize, depending on how much of a Michigan purist you are) and on the other was Green and White. One half for Michigan fans, one half for Michigan State (Sorry CMU!). The joke, of course, that many of us knew first hand was that even in families, there were clear delineations in support of your favorite Michigan college team, so much so that you needed to separate them out with a big dividing line that zigzagged through a store to keep your college team purchases from blending together.

Even the ceiling tiles are divided...

When I started this blog, I focused on what it was like to be a female entrepreneur. I wrote about learning and technology and games. Sometimes I wrote about personal stuff, but mainly I kept it professional. A few years ago, however, I started to shift. Work was becoming less of a driver of my personal growth, and my blog reflected how my life had moved from career-first to a big ol' mixtape of personal and professional. Sometimes even political. I started posting my reflections from the services I participated in at the Unitarian Society of Santa Barbara. I started posting about my kids more. About personal accomplishments. Suddenly, my blog was much more about me and not about my work.

I think that's ok. Blogs can be whatever we want them to be. For me, Learning In Tandem has become all of me, and it has been great to have an outlet to reflect and write about my life.

But the more I shared, the more I wondered if I was doing this right. I was no longer just an entrepreneur, but also a technology executive. I was no longer focused solely on games, but on building scalable technology. I was no longer just starting out, but now mentoring and coaching. I had moved in many ways from simply learner to learner and teacher. I find these days I have more to say about how to survive and thrive in the tech industry. Often, I keep these thoughts to myself, as I didn't know if they had a place anymore on this blog. In short, I felt like I was writing for everyone, which ended up with me writing for no one.

Today, I had an epiphany (which, besides wooly mammoth, is my favorite word). And so, I'm starting a new blog, just for my professional writing. It's roadmapher.com and starting this week I'll be posting about what it means to be a product manager, and product management strategies, and generally things that reflect what I do all day long in building products and businesses. Maybe there's even a book in there, somewhere. I'm anxious to see how it goes.

As for Learning in Tandem, I'll still be posting here. I'll cross-post things that I think are interesting, but I'm going to reserve this blog for focus on learning, whether personal or professional. This blog has grown up with me for the last 10 years and for those of you who have read along, I'm not going anywhere...just hopefully posting more, now that I have more clarity and focus.

Maybe it's more of a Venn diagram than a Great Divide? Either way, I hope you'll follow me to my new blog if you're interested in what I do, and stick around here at Learning in Tandem if you're interested in who I am.

(I'm totally a Spartan, btw. I can sing you the whole MSU fight song if you'd like. Don't even think of buying me U of M gear). 

On Being a White Cis Woman at the #WomensMarch & Beyond

I keep thinking back to Jack's quote from Lost as I write this: But if we can't live together, we're going to die alone. 

Maybe dying alone is a dramatic outcome, since we're not stranded on an island and based on the attendance of about 3 million people at marches all around the world last Saturday, we are most certainly not alone. But it is true that we are stronger together, and in order to truly "be together," not in the physical sense of marching, but in the ideological sense that we're all standing up for one another, white women have a lot of work to do.

Consider these points:

• 53% of white women voted for Donald Trump...the MAJORITY of white women. Why?
• how many women of color did you see at a march wearing a pussy hat, if you attended?
• what are transwomen supposed to think when participants at the marches are equating anatomy with womanhood?

If these things don't make you pause, then you're not doing the hard work yet. 

And consider this photo:

Photo credit: Angela Peoples @ms_peoples

When I saw this photo online, I made the mistake of reading the comments. Predictably, white women were defensive. I don't know the women in the photo, and for all I know, those white women are active transgender organizers in the Black Lives Matter movement. I have no idea...and the point isn't about those women personally. The point is that while we are donning pink knit hats and posting selfies of ourselves at the march on social media, women of color know that MOST white women voted for a candidate who has bragged about sexual assault, does not acknowledge #BLM, is already threatening women's health by defunding Planned Parenthood, and is threatening the rights of our LGBTQ community. 

White women, we're embarrassing ourselves and undermining our claims of feminism if we ignore that more of us than not support the patriarchy that continues to hold all of us back.

This weekend I also saw an online post from a white woman explaining why she wasn't attending the Women's March (not linking to it here. I don't want to be responsible for promoting it). It was a whole lot of march shaming, culminating in the assertion that we should stop whining about how bad it is in the U.S. and go help women in other countries who have it much worse than us. Not surprisingly, a bunch of white women posted and liked it on Facebook. And I thought, THIS is who we need to understand. White women who voted for Trump, who are shaming those of us who are fighting for equality, who are denying our lived experiences. Just as bad as the white liberal feminists who want credit for showing up but not doing the hard work are the white women who deny that the hard work even needs to be done. 

So for my white cis sisters who attended the march, waving their signs and wearing their pussy hats, here's some work for us to get started on this week. It's not going to be comfortable. As our sisters of color and trans sisters can tell you, it is not easy. But if we are to live together, to work together, to make change together, then we need to be prepared for the fight. This work is going to require more than poster-making or hat-knitting skills. It requires us to examine our innermost biases and beliefs, open ourselves to the experiences of others that are different than our own lived experiences, and then fight to change their experiences even when fighting for them means challenging our own privilege. THAT is the work. 

And for any of the white women who voted for Trump, or who spoke out against those of us who attended the Women's March this weekend, I invite you to do the work, too. We really are all in this together, and it all starts by listening to each other. ALL of each other, not just those who look and think and vote like you.

Let's get started. 

Ask yourself these questions:

• What would you do if you were harassed at work based on your gender, race, or religion? Would you have the ability to quit your job, or easily find another one? What if you had worked hard your entire career and landed your dream job, only to be harassed at work? What would your options be?

• What would you do if you were the only breadwinner in your home? How would that change your answer or options to the scenario above?

• What if you or your child or your partner had a pre-existing medical condition and would lose health insurance and wouldn't be eligible under a new plan if you changed jobs? 

• How many transgender folks are in your family? Friend circle? Community? Do you know the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity? Do you know what agender, or bigender, or gender fluid mean? Do you know the laws in your state that protect or discriminate against transgender folks?

• Do you personally know folks who are Muslim? Undocumented? LGBTQ? How many of these folks are in your family, your friend circle, your community? If none, how could you meet them or hear their stories? 

• Have you ever avoided going to the doctor for routine care because you couldn't afford it? Do you know folks who have? Do you know people for whom free or affordable clinics like Planned Parenthood are their primary source of medical care? What services would you use if you suddenly lost your health care coverage?

•  Do you have a safety net for health care coverage once you retire if there is no Medicaid or Medicare? What will your options be?

• Have you ever been prescribed birth control pills for something other than birth control? What other options would you have if you could no longer afford birth control?

• What would you do if the schools in your local district had such poor student outcomes that families who could afford it all pay to send their kids to private school? What if you couldn't afford private school for your children?

• Do you have the option financially to stay home? What enables you to have that choice? If you are financially dependent on your partner, what would be the impact of them losing their job, losing their insurance, or simply being passed over for raises or promotions?

• Have you ever noted in a conversation that you "have a black friend" or "work with a Muslim" etc., to prove you aren't racist?

• Have you ever said in a conversation, "I'm not racist, but..."?

• Have you ever said in a conversation, "I'm not racist."?

• When considering Black Lives Matter, do you more closely identify with those who support, those who oppose, or police officers? If you don't most closely align with supporters, what would it feel like to change your perspective for a week? A month? A year? Could you view this movement through the experiences of a black woman? 

• Consider how your experiences and opportunities would be different if you were black. Or Muslim. Or born to undocumented parents. Or born with male anatomy but feel very much like a woman. How would your life be different today? What challenges would you face that you don't have to think about today?

 

Holding your breath

Yesterday I saw this article posted on Facebook: Breath-Holding In The Pool Can Spark Sudden Blackouts And Death. 

I thought about how much I've been holding my breath lately. 

Yesterday, Caitlyn Jenner's Vanity Fair cover was released and took social media by storm. I held my breath, waiting for the transphobia and hate, because that's what you do when you have a kid who is gender non-binary. You hold your breath and hope that the world gets better and more loving and understanding. You hold your breath and hope that there are way more of us, allies and advocates, than there are of them (I'm looking at you Drake Bell and Fox News). 

I hold my breath, waiting for the transitions to shake out at work. Hoping that my work is noticed, that my passion is valued. 

I hold my breath when I travel, knowing that inevitably one of my kiddos or one of their schools will call me and I won't be there to fix it. 

I hold my breath as the side project I've been working on takes off like a jet, article published in TIME magazine and big meetings with important people that could mean big, big things. 

I hold my breath so my husband doesn't hear me wheezing the last few nights. He does anyway and knows that this cold I'm trying to ignore is kicking my butt. 

I hold my breath when I see a text from one of my sons. He is unhappy but fixing it would mean conflict and there's nothing he hates more than conflict. I hold my breath waiting for him to tell me he's ready for it. 

I hold my breath when I step out of my office building at the end of the day and the air is like breathing oil. Since the oil spill in Santa Barbara a couple weeks ago, there are times when the fumes are still so bad where we live that you can't ignore it. We shouldn't ignore it. 

There are so many other times I hold my breath. Sometimes I find myself taking a deep, gasping breath and realize I've been holding it in. 

When I saw the headline yesterday, I wondered if blackouts and sudden death were only symptoms from holding your breath under water. I worried. 

Today I listened in to a session at work with Matthieu Ricard, the "World's Happiest Man." I tried to follow his meditation exercise at my desk, but I couldn't stop worrying about my breathing. I thought about how I tell my bionic boy, when his ADHD overwhelms every cell in his body, to take a deep breath and he looks at me like, "mom, you really think that's going to help?" and I make him do it anyway. I even do it with him, trying to model deep breathing. 

Holding my breath is more than deep breathing: it's ultimate mindfulness, forcing to a halt my body's automation. Being still and not even letting the ebb and flow of air in my lungs distract me. It is ultimate focus. And it can only be temporary...until it's not. 

I used to have contests with my sister in my grandma's pool to see how long we could stay underwater. Sometimes we would race to see how far the length of the pool and back we could swim without coming up for air. Sometimes we would sink to the bottom and be still, feeling the burn in our lungs as air ran out until we finally pushed to the surface. I always won. Now I find out every one of those contests was inviting sudden death. I not only could hold my breath the longest, but I could also out swim the Grim Reaper. 

I think maybe all of this holding my breath I've been doing will not lead to sudden under water death but slow, above water tempting of fate. 

How do you practice NOT holding your breath? Isn't that just...breathing? 

I am thinking that instead of holding my breath with each challenge that, like lamaze for life, the important thing is to feel everything and still breathe through it. Maybe that is mindfulness. Maybe it's intention. I think it's better to not hold your breath. 

Serendipity Versus History

Yesterday, I decided to start another blog.

New blog: more content, less commentary. More blue.

Considering that I only post to this one a few times a month, that may seem pretty silly. I was struggling with a problem I have, and for now, this seems like the best solution.

I really love Twitter. It provides me with continuing education and access to people to I value and respect anytime, and practically anywhere. I see pictures, read quotes, watch videos, and maybe most importantly, read lots and lots of articles, research studies and blog posts that in combination keep me informed and help me grow. I retweet a lot of these sources to share with others and to "save" as a record of the things that interest me.

But Twitter is a fast-paced, serendipitous stream. One of my biggest complaints about Twitter is that its really tough to review the history of what I, or anyone else, has posted. Yes, I use Favorites, but mostly that's for things that I want to come back to and read or review later. What I really wanted was more of a record, that could be tagged, archived, searched, of all of the things I come across that interest me.

I thought about just starting to add these items to this blog, but honestly, the thought of adding a stream of content to it violated my original intent: my blog is a focused area for reflection. I want to preserve what I've created for myself here and maintain consistency of content, structure and focus.

So I've set up another blog that will be a collection of things I find interesting, often (probably mostly) without commentary. I invite you to join me there as well :)

Innovations in E-Learning 2011: Conference Reflections

I'm not the best conference attendee. I am really selective about which sessions I'll attend and I find that most of the most valuable conversations I have actually happen outside of the sessions. I actually only attended a couple sessions, missing several that I was interested in, so this is not a post that is going to provide you with an overview of the conference. If you'd like that, Wendy Wickham did a smashing job of that here (including her notes on my session on ARGs).

With that caveat, I had some observations on the Innovations in E-Learning symposium last week that I wanted to document as a starting point for my evolving thoughts around where the training industry is currently, and where it might go.

• People are still all wrapped up in "devices": There are altogether too many people who are still focused on the "cool" technology. To which I say, get over it. If ANY of these technologies are going to be useful for workplace learning, their creation and design should be guided by business needs. As far as I can tell, most of them are still being led by "wouldn't it be cool if?" thinking. 
• Invest in Windex: If many of the new technologies showcased really are the future of learning...be prepared for a lot of glass. ("What?" you say. "Glass??") Yes, glass. Evidently our future looks like big touchable screens all over the place. Its a germaphobe's worst nightmare. All joking aside...I don't buy it. From a purely practical standpoint, there's no way that I'm outfitting my house with "smart" technology that my 3 kiddos and adorable puppy are going to render useless with their grimy little paws. And I LOVE new technology. I love the futuristic thinking, but the practical realities of life may put the brakes on many of these ideas.
• Speaking of practical realities...: There was a session I attended during which I expressed my disbelief (on Twitter) that a systems model of learning, with interchangeable SCOs (shareable content objects), was being described as "the future of learning." I am admittedly completely biased on this subject: I do not believe that people learn through linear systems of interchangeable "chunks" of information that are linked together. Mainly, its because I believe that people learn through context, not content, and that the reason why we as a learning industry are moving towards immersive learning, games, social learning, etc. is because we have seen and realize the limitations of content delivery systems in changing people's behaviors. I do believe that there is a place for content delivery, but its a small, perhaps initial, part of the learning experience. I respected the obvious thought that went into developing a prototype of this SCO delivery system, what bothered me was the lack of explanation of how the system would work in context of broader learning goals and environments. Where's realistic practice? Where's coaching, mentoring, and communities of practice? There was talk of motivation, but the example shown looked like a scaffolded, incremental improvement model. At the risk of being the grumpy old lady shaking her fist and telling those darn kids to get off my lawn, we (the learning industry) tried to make purely SCO-based learning systems work in the late 90s, early 2000s. Its an appealing thought, for sure...developing a system that facilitates systematic learning for everyone. I just don't believe that's how we truly learn. 
• How can we better bridge academia and workplace learning?: No surprise that I was thrilled to see Chris Dede's keynote on immersive learning environments in virtual worlds; the work he's doing is amazing. Unfortunately, there's a big bridge to cross between the work being done in academia and the business problems that new learning technologies such as virtual worlds can help solve. There ARE organizations that are designing learning and collaborative experiences in virtual worlds that are addressing real organizational issues. I'd like to see more of those stories in conjunction with the academic exploration of these technologies to help close the gap of understanding how new technologies can help organizations today.
• What is the problem you're trying to solve?: Here is the crux of my observations at the conference: it was like seeing a bunch of solutions in search of a problem. I didn't hear a lot about the organizational issues to be addressed, but did hear a lot about what the "future" looks like...mobile, social, virtual, game-based, augmented...these are all the waters I swim in with my projects and clients every day. What I think everyone struggles with is how to justify the "new" and that's because there haven't been a lot of case studies, examples, business problems that these new technologies have effectively tackled.

My conclusions? Its time for case studies. Its time for strategies to address organizational issues. Its time to focus on the design elements that will make these new technologies successful. Let's accept the fact that the future is mobile, social, virtual, game-based and augmented, because...it is. I don't think the future is made of glass; I think the future is organizations implementing these new technologies to solve business issues in new and effective ways. Right now, I'm over "oooh shiny"--there's something new and shiny every day. Right now, I want real examples and real stories and yes, real data.

Show me THOSE innovations. If you can, I promise to pass them on.

The opportunity for government in the training industry

I've been following the ADL Implementation Fest #ifest stream on Twitter today and some of the conversation with my PLN has sparked some thoughts, maybe perspective, on how, or where, I see the government being able to lead the way in training. And, what prompted me to write this post, the ways in which its misdirecting its energies.

First, let me say, there are some great examples of people in government doing things the right way. Just from my immediate experience, Dr. Alicia Sanchez, who works for DAU, is the games czar who is helping integrate gaming into their curriculum. Mark Oehlert, also at DAU, is integrating social media technologies to support learning and knowledge management. Judy Brown at ADL is an industry recognized expert in mobile technologies and how they can be leveraged for learning. (Just realized, ironically, that these three will also be showcasing their knowledge at DevLearn 2010. You should go.) These three people, who happen to be people I know and respect, understand the unique positions they hold, and their opportunity to leverage technology for innovative applications. In short, they recognize that they have the chance to DESIGN really cool applications of existing technologies within the government and talk about how these projects are helping to improve learning, collaboration, and communication.

What I'm hearing out of iFest (so far...its the first day...;) is that the focus is still really on what technology can do for you and what technology initiatives ADL has been focusing on. To which I say...REALLY?!?! Sigh.

I don't need or want government agencies to fancy themselves technology companies. They aren't a start up, nor are they Microsoft. In short, there are companies who actually do that. And those companies need to make money doing it, which means that they need to build things that the market needs (even if the market doesn't want it...that's a totally different thing...).

What I'd love to see is that agencies within the government start looking at what REALLY helps support learning...good design. I'd love if they saw themselves as master implementers, not builders. Our government has tons of people that need training, its got tons of money and resources...why not leverage it for those things? Try innovative solutions. Experiment with design. Conduct research to establish best practices. That's what the learning technology industry needs. The government could provide this...it could LEAD this. But for the most part, its not.

If a technology is needed, the market will push it because that's what the market looks for: meeting unmet needs to make money. I'm tired of hearing about how a technology the government is developing is going to solve some problem.  Let's face it, even Google has struggled with implementing innovative technologies (see: Wave, Lively) and that's their business...its what they do to make money...and they are arguably the best at it.

I'm hoping that as I hear more at iFest that its focused on design. Fingers crossed. If not, its an opportunity lost...

Taking responsibility for big, bad problems

I just read this post by Patrick Strother about BP's failures in light of the gulf oil spill...or gushing, which is a bit more accurate than spill. It made me think about corporate responsibility, and personal responsibility, and knowing when to say when.

I'm not going to defend BP. But I might, just for a moment, empathize with Tony Hayward. Don't get me wrong, I think what BP has been doing is criminal and I think their attitude in dealing with a global environmental crisis is beyond reprehensible. And I think Tony Hayward is a first class douche.

But do any of us really think that this is one man's fault?

Tony Hayward is responsible for his actions and for the actions of BP in the gulf oil spill crisis. But he is also being positioned as the scapegoat in a saga that demonstrates that sometimes, you need to admit your failures and step aside. Tony Hayward's biggest problem is insisting BP can fix a problem that they created but now is too big for them to overcome.

The truth is, in any situation or crisis, what led you there is usually several people's responsibility. Very rarely does a problem start as a big problem...usually its a little problem that just keeps getting worse over time. Sometimes people ignore a problem or situation. Sometimes people are aware of a problem, but don't have the means or the skills to fix it. Sometimes even when people are aware and have the means, they just don't have the desire to fix it or don't want to exert the effort to take responsibility. All of these attitudes lead to the inevitable...if you ignore a problem long enough, something big and bad will eventually happen.

And when disaster strikes or big, bad things happen, someone has to take responsibility. Usually, the person who gets blamed for the problem is not the person, or certainly not the only person, who caused it. But in any big, bad crisis, someone is always left holding the bag.

Big problems are difficult to address. Because it was the collective negligence of many people that got you there, you'd think that if everyone just started paying attention, addressing the issue, that it would be fixed and things would be better because people would have learned their lessons. But that's not how life works and people are, in the end, who they are. What got you into the big problem will very likely be the very same reactions that prevent you from getting out of it.

Sometimes you get too far down the road, and there's no way that the people who caused the problem are going to be able to fix it. They are defensive, exposed, and confused. They grasp at half-baked solutions or go through the motions of looking like they are trying to fix things, all the while still engaging in their old behaviors that got them there. They consult with experts, they read about similar situations, and they vow to be different, to do better. But sometimes, too much has happened. Sometimes its too late. Sometimes organizations, cultures, relationships are not able to handle the big, bad problem. Sometimes they shouldn't. Sometimes, despite their best intentions, it just drags the problem out and makes it worse.

We're seeing that with BP now. They vow to fix it, they come up with solutions...but the attempts they are making keep falling flat. Why? Because BP had the ability to prevent this from happening, but instead of preventing it or preparing for it, they just hoped they wouldn't ever have to face it. They did not develop a culture of responsibility and now their laziness, their ineptness, and their fraud has been exposed.

And the scapegoat, the one who gets pinned with the problem, has to suddenly step into the spotlight and make a decision, take responsibility for the actions and decisions of everyone who got them to that point, for everyone that contributed to the big, bad problem. Yes, maybe a leader is ultimately responsible for everything that happens, but that's usually because that leader is the one who has to deal with the consequences of the actions of everyone around them, and so it behooves him or her to stay in control.

You can't control everything. Sometimes you just have to trust people. The best leaders trust those around them. And when that trust turns out to be ill-placed, its the leader who must step up and say, yes, this is a really bad problem. Yes, we caused the problem. No, we aren't prepared to deal with it and we don't want to make things worse by trying. Unfortunately, we aren't seeing a lot of that from Tony Hayward.

Organizations fail at this all of the time. Look at Enron. The banking industry crisis. And now BP. Sure, there are one or two people that are blamed...but it was the organizational culture that failed, not just the leaders at the top. It was the organization that recognized there was a problem and ignored it, covered it up, pretended like everything was ok...until it couldn't be ignored anymore. And then, its usually too late. Sometimes when an organizational fails in such a big, bad way...the right answer is to step in and dismantle the organization. Or in the case of BP, to hold them accountable but relieve them of the task of fixing the problem. Its clear they are ill-prepared and unequipped, and their attempts are making the situation worse.

Who knew that Kenny Rogers would have so succinctly taught us how to face big, bad problems? Unfortunately, it seems too many times we err on the side of holding 'em when we should walk away, or run.

Tony Hayward is responsible for what has been happening with the oil spill, and I have no doubt that he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions and decisions. But he is not the only one who is responsible. I only hope that Mr. Hayward and BP recognize sooner rather than later that their attempts to fix the mistakes that they've made are making things worse for them and us and is ultimately dragging out the time its taking to get to the inevitable stopping of the oil leak so that we can start cleaning up and healing. Sometimes the most responsible thing you can do is admit when a problem is just too big for you to fix.

Getting your house in order

I'm getting close to the one year mark for Tandem Learning, and I've been thinking a lot about what I've learned in this first roller coaster of a year. One of the biggest lessons is one I'm just now learning and taking care of. 

People who know me well know that I'm a bit of a control freak. That said, I've learned over the years that there are things worth me controlling, and things that aren't worth it. A lot of the things that aren't worth it may be inconsequential, or in many cases, they are just outside of my scope of expertise and are better "controlled" by someone else who knows what they are doing. This is where trust comes in. 

You have to surround yourself with smart, capable rockstars to be successful and to allow yourself to delegate confidently. You have to have good, challenging communication with the people you work closely with, and you have to trust them to do their jobs without you looking over their shoulders. That said, you have to have systems in place for them to report back to you on the state of affairs in a way that you can keep things on track if they start going astray. 

In some areas, I did a fine job of this in the last year. But there were some new areas in starting Tandem Learning that I really had no clue and had to rely more heavily on others than I'm honestly comfortable with. Legal issues, insurance, IT set up and support, bookkeeping and accounting...all new things that I had to put trust in others to handle for me. Some of these relationships worked really well and my leap of faith was rewarded (did I mention how much I like my sharkweasel?). But there were some other areas where I just never got comfortable.

SO...the lesson I learned? If you don't feel comfortable, make a change. Perhaps more than anything, I have more confidence in trusting my gut. I let a few things go on too long this year, in part because I wanted to trust the people I was working with and in part because I didn't know what I didn't know. But from the beginning, there were some things I just didn't feel 100% comfortable with and now that I'm taking control of those things, I feel so much better. 

Grey day

I woke up today ready to take stuff on. It didn't quite turn out that way.

When my oldest was a toddler, his favorite book was Dr. Seuss's My Many Colored Days. I still can pretty much recite the whole book word for word, but my favorite day was the grey day. "Grey day. Everything is grey...I watch. But nothing moves today." The illustration was a zoomed-in illustration of a grey owl's huge yellow eyes.

Today was a grey day. Nasty weather, unexpected (and completely unwarranted) harassment from American Express, discussion of end of year financials and planning for next year. I was in a lovely mood.

It would have been easy to let the grey take over and render me motionless. It would be easy to just watch, not move.

Funny thing is, I'm not much of a grey kinda person. By the time I left the office, there was a bit of a spark, and by the time I got home, the fire was raging again. So I'm ending the day ready to take stuff on. Guess it wasn't much of a grey day after all, no matter what the weatherman says.

Last laugh

I was watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade with my kids (who for the first time ever seemed interested) when I was rick rolled (click here to get rick rolled yourself). Yep, there he was, Rick Astley, telling me he was "Never Gonna Give You Up." And I thought to myself, whoever planned that for the Macy's parade had a fantastic sense of humor.

Later, I was thinking about Rick Astley. Here's a guy who probably thought his career, at least major market career, was over. And then, he became an Internet joke sensation. He had two choices: fight it or rick roll with it.

Rick Astley's career probably didn't turn out the way he thought it would. But he's making the best of it, and taking advantage of his opportunities.

I'd like to think I'd rick roll with it, too.

New

One of the hardest things for me over the last year has been venturing out into new areas...new markets, new clients, new technologies, new conferences, new, new, new. My natural instinct is to stick to what I know, what's comfortable, and what I know that I'm good at. Its difficult to know every day that you're probably doing something you haven't done before. For someone as competitive as I am, its almost crippling to not know if I'm going to be successful in the new things I do that day.

I hope in another year's time, everything won't be so new. And I hope that there are still lots of new things to challenge me. New is not intrinsically good, nor is it necessarily bad. Its just new, and has to be sorted out. Its the unknown of the new that makes it so nerve-wracking. New things open you up to make mistakes. But they also make you think, re-evaluate, and sometimes improve.

Although all of the new things at once has been a huge challenge this year, its been much better than the same ol', same ol'.

Rolling

A couple weeks to catch our breath, and suddenly, all of the preparation for big things is starting to pay off. The thing about momentum is that you can't force it...you can prepare for it, foster it, you can support it, and sometimes, if you want to, you can stop it. Good work leads to more work. Activity leads to sales. Positive momentum can propel you forward.

The last three Mondays were brutal. This Monday, however, was filled with activity, hope, and possibility. Now that's the way to start a week...

One step at a time

I've written a lot about how busy I am. I probably sound like a broken record, and its not a surprise that starting a business takes up an inordinate amount of time. I write about it so much because of the overwhelmingness of it. There are probably no words to explain how it takes over every second of every minute of every day, like a giant gorilla sitting on your chest eating a banana (ok, banana is probably optional).

This weekend was a good example. I really just wanted to enjoy the fall weather, hang out with the family and relax. But the list of things I need to do is long and time sensitive. So I try to balance things out, but neither my work or my family really gets the attention they deserve.

I try to be patient and cut myself some slack, take one day, one minute, one second at a time. This state is only temporary. Or is it?

Funny fail (not) whale

Normally I would be annoyed that Twitter was down, again...and I would be angry with the Fail Whale. But look at the cuties who showed up when I attempted to late night tweet. How can you be upset with an ice cream cone and an inch worm??

AND...Twitter better be back up when I wake up in the morning, or I will not be so amused.

The agony of defeat

You can't ALWAYS win. Even with the best product, the most charming personality, the most accurate and fair pricing, the best plan, the most talented team...even with all those things, sometimes you still don't make the sale, or get the project, or get to hire the person you wanted. Sometimes you just don't win.

If you're competitive like I am, that doesn't make you feel much better. Of course you should have gotten the projects! Why wouldn't he want to work here? How could they possibly think that another company would do a better job?

But at the end of the day, really, all those things happen. Disappointment, and yes, sometimes even losing, is inevitable. I'm not saying that you should roll over and accept that sometimes you'll lose--oh no. But when the time comes that you're faced with losing, the question is: what are you going to do about it?

I would argue that the best course of action is to try again, and do better next time. Or in some cases, realize that maybe, sometimes, things work out the way they should. Even when you lose.

No matter what

I was sick today. Really sick. I usually don't admit when I don't feel well, but after being up all night, I decided at 4:30 am that I was not going to be the best candidate to make it to our first client presentation today. Yep that's right, TWO client presentations in one day. Of all the days to be too sick to function, I have to pick the day that we have two client meetings.

So meeting one, I didn't make. My fellow rockstar took the reins and rocked it out in my stead. But I couldn't bring myself to miss the second. I went, on 1.5 hours of sleep and under heavy medications. It was a 15 minute presentation, in and out.

I don't know why I feel like I have something to prove. But I know that Tandem has to be successful, so whatever it takes, no matter what.

But now, I'm resting...

Not afraid of the big, bad economy

I've had numerous people ask me if I'm nervous about having just started a company before the economy takes a massive nose dive. I have an easy answer: no.

Maybe its my optimism, maybe it naivete, but I think if your company is built on talent, ideas, and work ethic, then unless your product is directly affected by the economic conditions (real estate, for example...) you can either look at the bad economy as an opportunity or a risk.

How can I see my new product as an opportunity? Well, for one thing, virtual worlds can enable organizations to reduce travel costs while increasing the intellectual capital of its employees...in other words, you can train people more effectively, remotely, using the Virtual Territory. And usually when companies are tightening down during bad times, investing in their people to improve performance is one of the ways to stay competitive in a bad market.

And it doesn't hurt that Seth Godin also thinks that bad economic times are times of opportunity for people who are willing to face the risk.

So, no, I'm not nervous. I'd be more nervous if there were more people who weren't nervous either. Then I'd just be one of the pack looking to make a buck off a good economy. Now my success will really mean something, and that means more to me.

When you least expect it

So I blogged earlier this week about how I anticipated this week would be bad. And sure, there are still lots of things hanging out there to be dealt with, and not all of them will be pretty. But surprisingly, its turning out to be a pretty good week.

One of the major projects we had hanging out there has come in, kicking off on Friday. I've heard back from some old contacts that I haven't talked to in a while, and that has been fantastic. A fellow Rockstar spec'd out our prospective resource needs over the next 6 months, and although its going to be hopping, now we have a much better sense of where we are. We're planning our trip to Virtual Worlds in London, and I'm getting excited about that.

Sometimes things aren't as bad as they seem.

Winning and losing

I hate losing. I've already discussed the competitive/perfectionist issue, and let me emphasize that I squarely fall into the competitive camp. For me, winning, or succeeding, has become more and more important over time. And that has made me more and more competitive.

This week wrapped up a couple loose ends. A few of them wrapped up quite nicely. A few of them didn't. For the ones that didn't, I was really upset. I had to take a step back and think about why. Each situation is a little different, and there were different emotions involved with each of them, but the overarching theme for all of them was that I felt like I had lost.

I have a few people to talk me off the ledge. I think their advice is worth repeating.

* Sometimes when things don't work out the way you wanted, its actually for the better.
* Don't expect someone else's behavior to change just because you'd like it to. In fact, you shouldn't expect anyone's behavior to change.
* Just like in dating, in business, if he doesn't call back, he's just not that into you. If he was, he wouldn't be too busy.
* Sometimes its worth the money.
* Sometimes its not worth the money.
* It's better to be open up front then surprised later on.

So, there will continue to be successes and set backs. This week helped more clearly define the path to the successes and some of our risks for set backs. Luckily for my competitive streak, the path to success is much less cluttered now.

Ode to Twitter

If you haven't noticed, I haven't been tweeting lately. Not because I don't want to. But because for some reason, since I've gotten my MacBook Pro, I can't log in to Twitter. I've had a help ticket open for over a week. I don't want to open a new Twitter account. That's annoying. I just want to log in.

As if they read my mind, CrunchGear posted this clip today. Please, if you are easily offended, don't watch it. If you Twitter, though, I dare you to not laugh.

I don't miss you, Mr. Fail Whale...