I have a really bad habit of apologizing for...everything. Problems big and small, things that I did directly, or things that I had nothing to do with, chances are if you are upset about something and tell me about it, I'll apologize. Its not that I walk around carrying the weight of the world; I just tend to take on responsibility for things in an attempt to alleviate the burden on everyone else. So I'll say I'm sorry for all manner of things and shift the responsibility of dealing with issues from other people to myself, as if to say "this is my fault, I'll try to fix it and make things better for you."
I've decided to stop apologizing.
It's not that I don't want to offer support or friendship or kindness, but just the simple act of apologizing misplaces responsibility when the apology isn't warranted and puts me in a position of constantly being responsible to everyone. Quite frankly, I make enough mistakes on my own without taking on other people's.
So I'm not sorry that you've made mistakes that have caused bad things to happen, or that sometimes bad things just happen, and I'm not sorry that my feelings, requests, or needs might make you feel uncomfortable or demand that you take some action and I'm not sorry that other people in your life have done you wrong...at least not to the extent that I'm willing to take responsibility for it. If you need me, I'm here. I'll listen and commiserate and maybe even make poignant dartboard targets to take out your aggression on. I'll be honest with you and if you ask for my opinion, I'll give it to you straight up. But I'm not going to apologize.
I'm pretty sure I'll screw up spectacularly and often, and yes, I'll apologize when I should. Heartfelt and with intention to not make the same mistakes twice.
But I'm not going to apologize for things I didn't do anymore. And if you do hear me apologize? You'll know I really mean it.
I've decided to stop apologizing.
It's not that I don't want to offer support or friendship or kindness, but just the simple act of apologizing misplaces responsibility when the apology isn't warranted and puts me in a position of constantly being responsible to everyone. Quite frankly, I make enough mistakes on my own without taking on other people's.
So I'm not sorry that you've made mistakes that have caused bad things to happen, or that sometimes bad things just happen, and I'm not sorry that my feelings, requests, or needs might make you feel uncomfortable or demand that you take some action and I'm not sorry that other people in your life have done you wrong...at least not to the extent that I'm willing to take responsibility for it. If you need me, I'm here. I'll listen and commiserate and maybe even make poignant dartboard targets to take out your aggression on. I'll be honest with you and if you ask for my opinion, I'll give it to you straight up. But I'm not going to apologize.
I'm pretty sure I'll screw up spectacularly and often, and yes, I'll apologize when I should. Heartfelt and with intention to not make the same mistakes twice.
But I'm not going to apologize for things I didn't do anymore. And if you do hear me apologize? You'll know I really mean it.
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. ~P.G. Wodehouse, The Man Upstairs
ReplyDeleteExcellent posts Koreen as always. Your like a living spring of eternal creativity.